Fear or Wholeness?

This is, by far, the best article I've read in a while. It's worth every minute it takes to read. Here are some excerpts.

Lifelong Patterns: Fear or Wholeness?
Michael Mendizza Interviews Barbara Findeisen

"Michael: What should parents understand about the subtle and not so subtle influence they have on their unborn and growing children?

Barbara: My children were all taken away from me in the hospital and I saw them three times a day. I didn't know there was such a thing as bonding. Today, I tell people how important it is to stay with the child. Mothers should not be separated from the child, unless there is some compelling medical reason. When we ignore or violate nature, we suffer the consequences.

We do know the right thing to do, our-instincts tell us, but we don't trust them anymore. We've been brainwashed into ignoring our deeper wisdom. We read books by "experts." We don't listen to our own intuitive sense, especially as women. We have had maternal instincts since the beginning-of time, but it seems, the more educated we become the less we believe our instincts.

It's also important to work through our own birth traumas before we give birth. Giving birth can re-stimulate birth memories. If one had a birth trauma, it is possible to slip back into that regressed emotional infant state, which does not help a woman during birth. Nor does it serve the baby.

I suggest that people start talking to the baby from the very beginning of conception, to create a relationship, to begin to bond before birth. It also helps to define the kind of birth you want ahead of time, who they want to be with them, whether they want a home birth, or a hospital birth. I encourage them to review all the medical knowledge but not to give up their own deeper instincts. Set the birth up as a sacred event. Coming into this world should be a ceremony, a celebration. It's a holy time and it should be treated as such. The mother and baby's birth should be respected. Bright lights, loud sounds, and too much high tech machinery do little to create, a sacred space.

The most important thing is the way a woman feels about herself, the birth, and the child. She needs to feel loved, loving and supported.; Fear causes a woman's body to tighten up. This leads to more medical intervention, and with intervention comes a greater risk of trauma.

Michael: Let's talk about fear.

Barbara: Western culture has been sold a bill of goods. We have been taught by churches, schools, by parents, our grandmothers, that birth is traumatic, that we give birth in pain and suffering.

If you look at native cultures around the world, you don't find the same attitude. No one told me thirty years ago what to expect when I was about to give birth. Women are getting more information now but much of it is wrapped in a blanket of fear. When you're born into a fearful situation, that fearful shadow follows you until you stop, turn around, and confront it. I don't believe women, as biological organisms, are created to do something which is the most natural act in the world in pain and suffering. Fear prevents women from moving with the natural rhythm of the experience. Our minds are very powerful. What we believe we tend to create--and we believe that birth is going to hurt."

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"The nuclear family never really worked very well. A single mother without support cannot do everything. No father can be uncle, grandfather, provider, helper, dishwasher without support. We used to live in communities, with people you trusted to hold your baby. Now we hire somebody that we don't know to take care of and teach our children. We leave our babies and children--our most precious resource--in the hands of strangers. We can start social healing by doing all we can possibly do to ensure that all children are wanted. Children need to be born into a matrix where their parents feel supported in communities."

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"Michael: The value we place on women, motherhood, and babies is obviously the ground for this support. Do we value and support women as mothers?

Barbara: No, I don't think we really value intimate relationships. We give lip service. The whole society needs to take a look at its values and we had better put our money into programs that help mothers who want to stay home and care for their children. Remember the saying "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." Whose hand is it? Or is there a hand to rock the cradle? Our values and our priorities have gotten very distorted.

In the 70's and the 80's we began to believe a myth that "real women" were out there earning as much as men. With this modeled in the press and TV, many women began to feel guilty because they wanted to have children and stay at home. My working daughter says to me, "You know mom, I feel a little out of synch. I want to get married and have children and be a homemaker!"

She is well educated and knows what she wants and her friends tell her, "You're too smart to do that." What does this say about our society? What does this say about our values that only dumb people should be mothers? This is insane, absolutely crazy. What are we doing? And are we willing to pay the price? We are paying the price.

I am hopeful, because now I see some women who really want to devote attention to raising healthy children. If we, as a culture, really valued raising healthy children, mothers wouldn't have to work outside of the home. It would be more cost effective to support mothers at home than to pay for the crime, the juvenile delinquency, drug abuse, the violence, self abuse, suicides, the police, and prisons--not to mention the broken lives of millions of human beings. We do not behave or legislate as if our children, their care and their education are our most valuable resource. It seems to me we've got it backwards. My faith and hope is that it is not too late to turn it around. At least that is what I choose to spend my life and energy doing."