Amy at Let's Explore made a small little kids veggie cookbook. Enjoy!
Link
Friday, October 31, 2008
Favorite post of the week
A Child's World
“Is it possible that our modern way of teaching, all gentleness, persuasiveness and human contact tends to make children get themselves and their work all mixed up?…….Maybe it was easier for children to grow up in a world in which, when they impinged on the world of adults, they were treated firmly, impersonally and ceremoniously but were otherwise left alone.”
John Holt, ‘How Children Fail’
I have been mulling over this quotation for a while now. It seems harsh coming from a man who cared so much about the welfare of children and actually seems like it goes against everything he stands for. But I am convinced that there is some element of truth to what he says here. Children should mix with other children, making their own rules and boundaries as is befitting the world of a child and the complicated world of an adult should remain for the most part a million miles away.
In primitive societies this is what children are left to do. They run around in large packs with no supervision whatsoever. When they do interact with the adults, at meal times for example, children are usually quiet, obedient and conform to their parents rules of proper conduct. Adults are firm and unceremonious. All this I learned from The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff.
We rarely see this nowadays. Children are hounded by teachers and hounded by parents. What Holt is saying is that children are not here to please us or be our entertainment, nor are they here to be entertained by us - children are here to learn about life through the eyes of a child, free from critical observation.
Holt goes on to talk about overbearing parents who never let their children experiment, take risks or stretch themselves; parents who hover at the end of slides and climbing frames, who constantly tell their offspring to, “Be careful!” or, “Don’t do that, you will hurt yourself,” or the like. He talks of a playground in London, where the parents are prevented from entering and have to sit where they cannot see the children, who can enjoy themselves in peace and hardly ever hurt themselves.
When kids are left to test themselves to the fullest in a natural way, with the guidance of other children, they develop a strong sense of body awareness, of safety, of their own limits and they seldom, if ever then need to take unnecessary risks. When the parent always steps in to try to set the limit for the child, they never get a sense of their own strengths and weaknesses and subsequently when they are left their own devises can be reckless and unsafe.
This can be true with children’s interactions with others too. With an adult continually butting in and trying to resolve children’s conflicts for them, they never are allowed to weigh the other one up, suss out the situation, act accordingly and learn to get along with others.
It is all about letting children get on with it, sort out their differences themselves. DoH often tells me about the fisticuffs that would go on after school with rivals, even with friends. He knew then how to handle himself, as he does now. ‘Street-wise’ he calls it. Does this mean that children who are bullied (or bully) have never been allowed to settle their own disputes themselves in their own way and are therefore left defenseless (or tyrannical) in a dog eat dog world???
I believe we all need to learn how to be idle parents. In short, we shouldn’t try to make our kids interpret their world through our eyes. The same is true for schooling; the ‘persuasiveness of modern teaching’ is far more damaging than leaving a child to learn in their own way. And so much for the ‘persuasiveness of modern parenting’ - i.e. the modern trend of feeling that children should be ‘entertained’ 24/7; doing things together as a family, spending time at theme parks, at the zoo, at the cinema etc. In the ‘olden days’, parents had too much to do - washing, cooking, cleaning, working - to care about entertaining the kids. Children ran through the woods by themselves, unobserved, unimpeded and FREE.
And they knew how to behave in front of the grown ups.
“Is it possible that our modern way of teaching, all gentleness, persuasiveness and human contact tends to make children get themselves and their work all mixed up?…….Maybe it was easier for children to grow up in a world in which, when they impinged on the world of adults, they were treated firmly, impersonally and ceremoniously but were otherwise left alone.”
John Holt, ‘How Children Fail’
I have been mulling over this quotation for a while now. It seems harsh coming from a man who cared so much about the welfare of children and actually seems like it goes against everything he stands for. But I am convinced that there is some element of truth to what he says here. Children should mix with other children, making their own rules and boundaries as is befitting the world of a child and the complicated world of an adult should remain for the most part a million miles away.
In primitive societies this is what children are left to do. They run around in large packs with no supervision whatsoever. When they do interact with the adults, at meal times for example, children are usually quiet, obedient and conform to their parents rules of proper conduct. Adults are firm and unceremonious. All this I learned from The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff.
We rarely see this nowadays. Children are hounded by teachers and hounded by parents. What Holt is saying is that children are not here to please us or be our entertainment, nor are they here to be entertained by us - children are here to learn about life through the eyes of a child, free from critical observation.
Holt goes on to talk about overbearing parents who never let their children experiment, take risks or stretch themselves; parents who hover at the end of slides and climbing frames, who constantly tell their offspring to, “Be careful!” or, “Don’t do that, you will hurt yourself,” or the like. He talks of a playground in London, where the parents are prevented from entering and have to sit where they cannot see the children, who can enjoy themselves in peace and hardly ever hurt themselves.
When kids are left to test themselves to the fullest in a natural way, with the guidance of other children, they develop a strong sense of body awareness, of safety, of their own limits and they seldom, if ever then need to take unnecessary risks. When the parent always steps in to try to set the limit for the child, they never get a sense of their own strengths and weaknesses and subsequently when they are left their own devises can be reckless and unsafe.
This can be true with children’s interactions with others too. With an adult continually butting in and trying to resolve children’s conflicts for them, they never are allowed to weigh the other one up, suss out the situation, act accordingly and learn to get along with others.
It is all about letting children get on with it, sort out their differences themselves. DoH often tells me about the fisticuffs that would go on after school with rivals, even with friends. He knew then how to handle himself, as he does now. ‘Street-wise’ he calls it. Does this mean that children who are bullied (or bully) have never been allowed to settle their own disputes themselves in their own way and are therefore left defenseless (or tyrannical) in a dog eat dog world???
I believe we all need to learn how to be idle parents. In short, we shouldn’t try to make our kids interpret their world through our eyes. The same is true for schooling; the ‘persuasiveness of modern teaching’ is far more damaging than leaving a child to learn in their own way. And so much for the ‘persuasiveness of modern parenting’ - i.e. the modern trend of feeling that children should be ‘entertained’ 24/7; doing things together as a family, spending time at theme parks, at the zoo, at the cinema etc. In the ‘olden days’, parents had too much to do - washing, cooking, cleaning, working - to care about entertaining the kids. Children ran through the woods by themselves, unobserved, unimpeded and FREE.
And they knew how to behave in front of the grown ups.
Baby Food Making 101
I made Ella a huge batch of butternut squash today, and I thought I'd share how easy it is to make your own baby food.
First, I cut the squash in half and got rid of the seeds.
Second, I set the squash halves flesh side up in a dish.
Third, I covered the squashes with olive oil.
Threw the dish in the oven for about an hour at 350 degrees.
Scooped out the squash, added coconut oil, cinnamon, nutmeg and homemade chicken broth.
Pureed it and put it in some leftover baby food containers and into the freezer.
So easy, so healthy, so cheap....doesn't get much better than that!
First, I cut the squash in half and got rid of the seeds.
Second, I set the squash halves flesh side up in a dish.
Third, I covered the squashes with olive oil.
Threw the dish in the oven for about an hour at 350 degrees.
Scooped out the squash, added coconut oil, cinnamon, nutmeg and homemade chicken broth.
Pureed it and put it in some leftover baby food containers and into the freezer.
So easy, so healthy, so cheap....doesn't get much better than that!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Chicken Casserole
This was so good...kind of like Thanksgiving in a bowl. Real, yummy, grandma-ish cooking. Let me know if you try it!
Chicken Casserole (from Wholesome Home Cooking cookbook)
6 cups bread cubes (I used sprouted bread)
1/4 cup minced onion
1 tsp. sea salt
1/2 cup butter, melted
2 cups organic, free range cooked chicken (could easily substitute turkey)
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
1/2 tsp salt
dash of pepper
1/2 cup raw milk
1 1/2 cups homemade chicken broth
2 cups peas
Mix bread cubes, onions, 1 tsp salt, 1/2 cup melted butter and bake in 2 quart casserole dish at 375 degrees for 15 minutes. Put chicken on top. In seperate pan, melt butter and then stir in flour and seasonings. Gradually add milk and broth to pan. Cook until thickened. Pour sauce over chicken. Put peas on top. Throw it all back in the oven and cook until its heated through.
I served this with these Cheddar and Chives Biscuits
2 1/2 cups sprouted grain flour
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup butter, softened
1 1/4 cup. buttermilk or raw milk
1/2 cup shredded organic cheddar cheese
2 Tbsp chopped chives, fresh or dried
2 Tbsp melted butter to brush biscuits
Combine dry ingredients. Mix butter to make crumbs. Stir in milk, cheese and chives, until blended. Drop by heaping tablespoons, 1 inch apart onto ungreased cookie sheet. Brush biscuits with melted butter. Bake 10-12 minutes.
Your husband will love you forever. =)
Chicken Casserole (from Wholesome Home Cooking cookbook)
6 cups bread cubes (I used sprouted bread)
1/4 cup minced onion
1 tsp. sea salt
1/2 cup butter, melted
2 cups organic, free range cooked chicken (could easily substitute turkey)
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
1/2 tsp salt
dash of pepper
1/2 cup raw milk
1 1/2 cups homemade chicken broth
2 cups peas
Mix bread cubes, onions, 1 tsp salt, 1/2 cup melted butter and bake in 2 quart casserole dish at 375 degrees for 15 minutes. Put chicken on top. In seperate pan, melt butter and then stir in flour and seasonings. Gradually add milk and broth to pan. Cook until thickened. Pour sauce over chicken. Put peas on top. Throw it all back in the oven and cook until its heated through.
I served this with these Cheddar and Chives Biscuits
2 1/2 cups sprouted grain flour
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup butter, softened
1 1/4 cup. buttermilk or raw milk
1/2 cup shredded organic cheddar cheese
2 Tbsp chopped chives, fresh or dried
2 Tbsp melted butter to brush biscuits
Combine dry ingredients. Mix butter to make crumbs. Stir in milk, cheese and chives, until blended. Drop by heaping tablespoons, 1 inch apart onto ungreased cookie sheet. Brush biscuits with melted butter. Bake 10-12 minutes.
Your husband will love you forever. =)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Labor Induction Epidemic and Autism Epidemic: Link?
The first clues came from a study of midday blood samples from 29 autistic and 30 age-matched normal children, all prepubertal.(26) It appeared that the autistic group had significantly lower blood oxytocin levels than the normal group. Oxytocin increased with age in the normal but not the autistic children. These results inspired an in-depth inquiry of the oxytocin system of autistic children. In recent years it has become clear that oxytocin can appear in the brain in several forms. There is the nonapeptide oxytocin (OT) and the 'C-terminal extended peptides', which are described together as OT-X. The OT-X represent intermediates of oxytocin synthesis that accumulate due to an incomplete processing machinery. Twenty eight male children, diagnosed with autistic disorder were compared with 31 age-matched non psychiatric control children: there was a decrease in blood OT, an increase in OT-X and an increase in the ratio of OT-X/OT in the autistic sample, compared with control subjects.(27) In other words autistic children show alterations in the oxytocin system: there are deficits in the processing machinery of oxytocin.
Such findings are of paramount importance at a time when an accumulation of data from animal studies confirm the potent effects of oxytocin (and the parent hormone vasopressin) on social behaviour, communication and rituals. Furthermore we are currently learning that oxytocin brain receptors undergo major changes during development. Among humans, the period surrounding birth is considered a period of dramatic reorganization of central oxytocin binding. We must add that, when reaching a certain degree of maturation, the oxytocin system of the fetus probably participates in the physiological initiation of labour. Artificial induction of labour in general, particularly the use of drips of synthetic oxytocin, create situations that undoubtedly interfere with the development and the reorganization of the oxytocin system in such a critical period. This fact alone is a reason for further epidemiological studies focusing on labour induction as a possible risk factor. It would be useful to know also how autistic children release oxytocin. Oxytocin is more effective when released rhythmically, in a succession of fast pulsations. Today it is not impossible to measure the rhythmicity or pulsatility of oxytocin release.
Full Article
Such findings are of paramount importance at a time when an accumulation of data from animal studies confirm the potent effects of oxytocin (and the parent hormone vasopressin) on social behaviour, communication and rituals. Furthermore we are currently learning that oxytocin brain receptors undergo major changes during development. Among humans, the period surrounding birth is considered a period of dramatic reorganization of central oxytocin binding. We must add that, when reaching a certain degree of maturation, the oxytocin system of the fetus probably participates in the physiological initiation of labour. Artificial induction of labour in general, particularly the use of drips of synthetic oxytocin, create situations that undoubtedly interfere with the development and the reorganization of the oxytocin system in such a critical period. This fact alone is a reason for further epidemiological studies focusing on labour induction as a possible risk factor. It would be useful to know also how autistic children release oxytocin. Oxytocin is more effective when released rhythmically, in a succession of fast pulsations. Today it is not impossible to measure the rhythmicity or pulsatility of oxytocin release.
Full Article
Fear or Wholeness?
This is, by far, the best article I've read in a while. It's worth every minute it takes to read. Here are some excerpts.
Lifelong Patterns: Fear or Wholeness?
Michael Mendizza Interviews Barbara Findeisen
"Michael: What should parents understand about the subtle and not so subtle influence they have on their unborn and growing children?
Barbara: My children were all taken away from me in the hospital and I saw them three times a day. I didn't know there was such a thing as bonding. Today, I tell people how important it is to stay with the child. Mothers should not be separated from the child, unless there is some compelling medical reason. When we ignore or violate nature, we suffer the consequences.
We do know the right thing to do, our-instincts tell us, but we don't trust them anymore. We've been brainwashed into ignoring our deeper wisdom. We read books by "experts." We don't listen to our own intuitive sense, especially as women. We have had maternal instincts since the beginning-of time, but it seems, the more educated we become the less we believe our instincts.
It's also important to work through our own birth traumas before we give birth. Giving birth can re-stimulate birth memories. If one had a birth trauma, it is possible to slip back into that regressed emotional infant state, which does not help a woman during birth. Nor does it serve the baby.
I suggest that people start talking to the baby from the very beginning of conception, to create a relationship, to begin to bond before birth. It also helps to define the kind of birth you want ahead of time, who they want to be with them, whether they want a home birth, or a hospital birth. I encourage them to review all the medical knowledge but not to give up their own deeper instincts. Set the birth up as a sacred event. Coming into this world should be a ceremony, a celebration. It's a holy time and it should be treated as such. The mother and baby's birth should be respected. Bright lights, loud sounds, and too much high tech machinery do little to create, a sacred space.
The most important thing is the way a woman feels about herself, the birth, and the child. She needs to feel loved, loving and supported.; Fear causes a woman's body to tighten up. This leads to more medical intervention, and with intervention comes a greater risk of trauma.
Michael: Let's talk about fear.
Barbara: Western culture has been sold a bill of goods. We have been taught by churches, schools, by parents, our grandmothers, that birth is traumatic, that we give birth in pain and suffering.
If you look at native cultures around the world, you don't find the same attitude. No one told me thirty years ago what to expect when I was about to give birth. Women are getting more information now but much of it is wrapped in a blanket of fear. When you're born into a fearful situation, that fearful shadow follows you until you stop, turn around, and confront it. I don't believe women, as biological organisms, are created to do something which is the most natural act in the world in pain and suffering. Fear prevents women from moving with the natural rhythm of the experience. Our minds are very powerful. What we believe we tend to create--and we believe that birth is going to hurt."
--
"The nuclear family never really worked very well. A single mother without support cannot do everything. No father can be uncle, grandfather, provider, helper, dishwasher without support. We used to live in communities, with people you trusted to hold your baby. Now we hire somebody that we don't know to take care of and teach our children. We leave our babies and children--our most precious resource--in the hands of strangers. We can start social healing by doing all we can possibly do to ensure that all children are wanted. Children need to be born into a matrix where their parents feel supported in communities."
--
"Michael: The value we place on women, motherhood, and babies is obviously the ground for this support. Do we value and support women as mothers?
Barbara: No, I don't think we really value intimate relationships. We give lip service. The whole society needs to take a look at its values and we had better put our money into programs that help mothers who want to stay home and care for their children. Remember the saying "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." Whose hand is it? Or is there a hand to rock the cradle? Our values and our priorities have gotten very distorted.
In the 70's and the 80's we began to believe a myth that "real women" were out there earning as much as men. With this modeled in the press and TV, many women began to feel guilty because they wanted to have children and stay at home. My working daughter says to me, "You know mom, I feel a little out of synch. I want to get married and have children and be a homemaker!"
She is well educated and knows what she wants and her friends tell her, "You're too smart to do that." What does this say about our society? What does this say about our values that only dumb people should be mothers? This is insane, absolutely crazy. What are we doing? And are we willing to pay the price? We are paying the price.
I am hopeful, because now I see some women who really want to devote attention to raising healthy children. If we, as a culture, really valued raising healthy children, mothers wouldn't have to work outside of the home. It would be more cost effective to support mothers at home than to pay for the crime, the juvenile delinquency, drug abuse, the violence, self abuse, suicides, the police, and prisons--not to mention the broken lives of millions of human beings. We do not behave or legislate as if our children, their care and their education are our most valuable resource. It seems to me we've got it backwards. My faith and hope is that it is not too late to turn it around. At least that is what I choose to spend my life and energy doing."
Lifelong Patterns: Fear or Wholeness?
Michael Mendizza Interviews Barbara Findeisen
"Michael: What should parents understand about the subtle and not so subtle influence they have on their unborn and growing children?
Barbara: My children were all taken away from me in the hospital and I saw them three times a day. I didn't know there was such a thing as bonding. Today, I tell people how important it is to stay with the child. Mothers should not be separated from the child, unless there is some compelling medical reason. When we ignore or violate nature, we suffer the consequences.
We do know the right thing to do, our-instincts tell us, but we don't trust them anymore. We've been brainwashed into ignoring our deeper wisdom. We read books by "experts." We don't listen to our own intuitive sense, especially as women. We have had maternal instincts since the beginning-of time, but it seems, the more educated we become the less we believe our instincts.
It's also important to work through our own birth traumas before we give birth. Giving birth can re-stimulate birth memories. If one had a birth trauma, it is possible to slip back into that regressed emotional infant state, which does not help a woman during birth. Nor does it serve the baby.
I suggest that people start talking to the baby from the very beginning of conception, to create a relationship, to begin to bond before birth. It also helps to define the kind of birth you want ahead of time, who they want to be with them, whether they want a home birth, or a hospital birth. I encourage them to review all the medical knowledge but not to give up their own deeper instincts. Set the birth up as a sacred event. Coming into this world should be a ceremony, a celebration. It's a holy time and it should be treated as such. The mother and baby's birth should be respected. Bright lights, loud sounds, and too much high tech machinery do little to create, a sacred space.
The most important thing is the way a woman feels about herself, the birth, and the child. She needs to feel loved, loving and supported.; Fear causes a woman's body to tighten up. This leads to more medical intervention, and with intervention comes a greater risk of trauma.
Michael: Let's talk about fear.
Barbara: Western culture has been sold a bill of goods. We have been taught by churches, schools, by parents, our grandmothers, that birth is traumatic, that we give birth in pain and suffering.
If you look at native cultures around the world, you don't find the same attitude. No one told me thirty years ago what to expect when I was about to give birth. Women are getting more information now but much of it is wrapped in a blanket of fear. When you're born into a fearful situation, that fearful shadow follows you until you stop, turn around, and confront it. I don't believe women, as biological organisms, are created to do something which is the most natural act in the world in pain and suffering. Fear prevents women from moving with the natural rhythm of the experience. Our minds are very powerful. What we believe we tend to create--and we believe that birth is going to hurt."
--
"The nuclear family never really worked very well. A single mother without support cannot do everything. No father can be uncle, grandfather, provider, helper, dishwasher without support. We used to live in communities, with people you trusted to hold your baby. Now we hire somebody that we don't know to take care of and teach our children. We leave our babies and children--our most precious resource--in the hands of strangers. We can start social healing by doing all we can possibly do to ensure that all children are wanted. Children need to be born into a matrix where their parents feel supported in communities."
--
"Michael: The value we place on women, motherhood, and babies is obviously the ground for this support. Do we value and support women as mothers?
Barbara: No, I don't think we really value intimate relationships. We give lip service. The whole society needs to take a look at its values and we had better put our money into programs that help mothers who want to stay home and care for their children. Remember the saying "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." Whose hand is it? Or is there a hand to rock the cradle? Our values and our priorities have gotten very distorted.
In the 70's and the 80's we began to believe a myth that "real women" were out there earning as much as men. With this modeled in the press and TV, many women began to feel guilty because they wanted to have children and stay at home. My working daughter says to me, "You know mom, I feel a little out of synch. I want to get married and have children and be a homemaker!"
She is well educated and knows what she wants and her friends tell her, "You're too smart to do that." What does this say about our society? What does this say about our values that only dumb people should be mothers? This is insane, absolutely crazy. What are we doing? And are we willing to pay the price? We are paying the price.
I am hopeful, because now I see some women who really want to devote attention to raising healthy children. If we, as a culture, really valued raising healthy children, mothers wouldn't have to work outside of the home. It would be more cost effective to support mothers at home than to pay for the crime, the juvenile delinquency, drug abuse, the violence, self abuse, suicides, the police, and prisons--not to mention the broken lives of millions of human beings. We do not behave or legislate as if our children, their care and their education are our most valuable resource. It seems to me we've got it backwards. My faith and hope is that it is not too late to turn it around. At least that is what I choose to spend my life and energy doing."
A Child's Song
Very Early Parenting: An African Model
A Child's Song
There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted not from when they've been born, nor from when they are conceived but from the day that the child was a thought in its mother's mind.
And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she's heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child's father, and teaches it to him. And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it.
And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child's song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people around her sing the child's song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child's song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks it up and sings its song to it. Or perhaps the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song.
And it goes this way through their life. In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when this child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing--for the last time--the song to that person.
Source
A Child's Song
There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted not from when they've been born, nor from when they are conceived but from the day that the child was a thought in its mother's mind.
And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she's heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child's father, and teaches it to him. And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it.
And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child's song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people around her sing the child's song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child's song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks it up and sings its song to it. Or perhaps the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song.
And it goes this way through their life. In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when this child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing--for the last time--the song to that person.
Source
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Plug for Homebirth
"It is sometimes argued that modern women have lost the 'art' of giving birth and that culture and beliefs have so over-ridden women's natural responses that they require direction and assistance to birth normally. This overlooks basic innate drives to reproduce, and reproduce successfully, common to all species, and the ability of endogenous endorphins to create the necessary introverted and uninhibited states that form the basis for instinctive behaviours. Successful birth is far too important in nature for its achievement to be left to chance or luck: inbuilt mechanisms guide the process towards a successful conclusion, and these can be accessed provided a woman is willing to explore her hidden capabilities, and if she is provided with an environment conducive to this exploration." (Andrea Robertson, Empowering Women: Teaching Active Birth in the 90s, 101)
Andrea Robertson writes: "It is true that many women allow cultural values, fashion and personal beliefs to inhibit their innate abilities. It is also true that the current medicalisation of birth encourages women to forsake their own resources and embrace technology and external guidance during labour. The folly of this approach is only now being revealed through rigorous scientific studies. Meanwhile, many women have discovered, to their cost in physical and emotional terms, the inherent risks of tinkering with nature." (Empowering Women: Teaching Active Birth in the 90s, 101)
101 Reasons Why You Should Have Your Baby at Home
The Business of Being Born
Pregnant in America
Parenting from an LDS perspective
Discipline has been on my mind. Seth has been tough lately and we're still not 100% sure how to handle him - mostly because we're not sure what he understands. I'm 1,000% against spanking or anything of the like. Why would you teach a child not to hit by hitting them? I know it's cliche, but what would Jesus do? I certainly don't see Him spanking a child. At the same time, children need to know their limits. They need to understand what's right and wrong and have appropriate consequences. So, what's a parent to do? For me I find great assurance in what the church leaders have said. My friend showed me these excerpts from some talks. They explain it so perfectly.
Salvation and Exaltation
(some excerpts)
"We are also to teach our children to honor their parents. The fifth commandment states, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”19
How can we best teach our children? The Lord has given us specific instruction:
“No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
“By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.”20
When a child needs correction, you might ask yourself, “What can I say or do that would persuade him or her to choose a better way?” When giving necessary correction, do it quietly, privately, lovingly, and not publicly. If a rebuke is required, show an increase of love promptly so that seeds of resentment may not remain. To be persuasive, your love must be sincere and your teachings based on divine doctrine and correct principles.
Do not try to control your children. Instead, listen to them, help them to learn the gospel, inspire them, and lead them toward eternal life. You are God’s agents in the care of children He has entrusted to you. Let His divine influence remain in your hearts as you teach and persuade."
Love, Limits, and Latitude
(some excerpts)
"A natural response to misbehavior can be to simply demand, rather than invite, obedience. Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles related the story of a man who was determined to train a colt by simply pulling on the lead rope. Each time he yanked, the colt fell down. After a few minutes, the man had successfully taught the colt to fall down. Then the man’s wife made an excellent suggestion: Walk beside the colt. “To my friend’s chagrin,” said Elder Ballard, “it worked.”8 Parents will have more success if they lead by example. President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, suggested that parents may need to give up parental behavior that produced bad results in the past and try a better way.9
"Inappropriate attempts to force obedience, like “yanking the rope,” create difficulty in fostering companionable relationships with young children and teens. Coercion—physical or psychological—is not appropriate. Coercive behavior includes physical and verbal abuse, threats, shouting, manipulating, withdrawing love, and shaming. While coercion may lead to momentary obedience or compliance, it rarely results in a long-term solution. President Gordon B. Hinckley reiterated that “discipline with severity, discipline with cruelty inevitably leads not to correction but to resentment and bitterness”10 (see also D&C 121:41–44). “Children don’t need beating,” he emphasized. “They need love and encouragement.”11
"One young father became frustrated when “time out” seemed to fail as a discipline strategy for his very energetic young son. Shouting and spanking seemed only to feed the misbehavior. Afraid he might lose control and harm his child, the father took his own “time out.” He left the room and silently prayed for help. When he returned, he invited the son to build a train with blocks and then to play catch—two favorite activities. He tried to focus on the son’s increasing skills, and he offered ample praise. To the father’s surprise, the son behaved well for the rest of the evening, with only a few gentle reminders. Leading with love worked better than leading by force."
"Leading with love requires that parents set clear limits for children’s behavior. Limits protect children and help them develop self-discipline. President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) noted, “Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love and respect him.”12 The Lord has entrusted us as parents with the responsibility to teach our children (see D&C 68:25). Correcting misbehavior can be one of the most challenging parts of this responsibility. At times, children may chafe, complain, or resist the limits placed upon them. Parents can hold firm with the understanding that teaching values is a lengthy process and that reasonable standards and expectations ultimately help children and teens feel secure and become more successful."
"When children do not meet family expectations, parents must decide whether to make an issue of the misbehavior. Milk will spill; children will sometimes be less than careful on the playground; teens may let their social life sabotage their grades. These experiences can teach them that certain actions are not productive. Helping to clean up the milk, bandaging the wound, or talking through an improved study schedule would be more effective than scolding a child in an attempt to teach a lesson that is already obvious.
Sometimes parents must address more serious indiscretions with appropriate consequences. President Faust encouraged parents to use “prayerful discernment” as they select consequences for misbehavior. No matter the seriousness of the offense, the method of correction must treat the child with consideration and dignity. For example, private reproof is generally better than public reproof. Address the specific infraction without dragging previous misdeeds into the conversation. Stay composed. Discuss the behavior rather than label or demean the child. Short explanations of parental expectations generally work better than extensive lecturing.
When parents remain calm, reasonable consequences are more likely to emerge. President Hinckley said, “I have never accepted the principle of ‘spare the rod and spoil the child.’ ” He also recalled that “his father never laid a hand on him except to bless him, and he intended to follow suit."
"Although it is important to remain flexible with discipline, parents who turn a blind eye to serious misconduct or do not calmly and consistently enforce boundaries with reasonable consequences provide insufficient direction and guidance. Elder Ballard explained that it can be 'destructive when parents are too permissive and overindulge their children, allowing them to do as they please.'"
"As parents lead with love and enforce limits, they can encourage children’s sense of independence. Granting autonomy, or latitude, allows children to express their individuality and helps them learn to make good choices. Speaking of the Saints, Joseph Smith said, “I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves.”18 In a similar way, parents need to prepare their children in small steps to govern themselves so that they will be prepared for the day when they eventually leave home.
Parents facilitate this process by giving children a measure of latitude appropriate to their maturity. From the time children are toddlers, parents can let them make reasonable decisions within established boundaries. For example, young children can help choose what to wear on a play day. Older children can have a say in when they do their chores, as long as the chores are completed by a specified time. Teens can be allowed to make media choices so long as they fall within family expectations. Giving children some say in decision making prepares them to make more important decisions later.
Giving children latitude also means negotiating and compromising on rules when appropriate. Elder Ballard emphasized the need for parents to “be prepared to appropriately adjust some rules, thus preparing children for real-world situations.”19 For example, suppose that you have established the rule that children can play only after chores are done. What happens if cousins stop in unexpectedly for a short visit? In this case, parents and children might decide to be flexible and finish their chores another time. Being willing to negotiate and compromise provides reasonable expectations, gives children more control over their lives, and prepares them for real-world problem-solving situations.
Providing latitude also gives children space to develop their own feelings about the gospel. Teens who have learned to recognize the Spirit and to make choices based on their understanding of right and wrong—rather than simply on parents’ demand for obedience—will be better equipped to make wise decisions in the face of stress or peer pressure. Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught that teenagers’ “willingness to choose the Lord’s way and family values is greater when the choice comes from within than when we attempt to force those values upon them. The Lord’s way of love and acceptance is better than Satan’s way of force and coercion, especially in rearing teenagers.”20 Appropriate latitude sends a message of trust and respect."
Salvation and Exaltation
(some excerpts)
"We are also to teach our children to honor their parents. The fifth commandment states, “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”19
How can we best teach our children? The Lord has given us specific instruction:
“No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
“By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.”20
When a child needs correction, you might ask yourself, “What can I say or do that would persuade him or her to choose a better way?” When giving necessary correction, do it quietly, privately, lovingly, and not publicly. If a rebuke is required, show an increase of love promptly so that seeds of resentment may not remain. To be persuasive, your love must be sincere and your teachings based on divine doctrine and correct principles.
Do not try to control your children. Instead, listen to them, help them to learn the gospel, inspire them, and lead them toward eternal life. You are God’s agents in the care of children He has entrusted to you. Let His divine influence remain in your hearts as you teach and persuade."
Love, Limits, and Latitude
(some excerpts)
"A natural response to misbehavior can be to simply demand, rather than invite, obedience. Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles related the story of a man who was determined to train a colt by simply pulling on the lead rope. Each time he yanked, the colt fell down. After a few minutes, the man had successfully taught the colt to fall down. Then the man’s wife made an excellent suggestion: Walk beside the colt. “To my friend’s chagrin,” said Elder Ballard, “it worked.”8 Parents will have more success if they lead by example. President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, suggested that parents may need to give up parental behavior that produced bad results in the past and try a better way.9
"Inappropriate attempts to force obedience, like “yanking the rope,” create difficulty in fostering companionable relationships with young children and teens. Coercion—physical or psychological—is not appropriate. Coercive behavior includes physical and verbal abuse, threats, shouting, manipulating, withdrawing love, and shaming. While coercion may lead to momentary obedience or compliance, it rarely results in a long-term solution. President Gordon B. Hinckley reiterated that “discipline with severity, discipline with cruelty inevitably leads not to correction but to resentment and bitterness”10 (see also D&C 121:41–44). “Children don’t need beating,” he emphasized. “They need love and encouragement.”11
"One young father became frustrated when “time out” seemed to fail as a discipline strategy for his very energetic young son. Shouting and spanking seemed only to feed the misbehavior. Afraid he might lose control and harm his child, the father took his own “time out.” He left the room and silently prayed for help. When he returned, he invited the son to build a train with blocks and then to play catch—two favorite activities. He tried to focus on the son’s increasing skills, and he offered ample praise. To the father’s surprise, the son behaved well for the rest of the evening, with only a few gentle reminders. Leading with love worked better than leading by force."
"Leading with love requires that parents set clear limits for children’s behavior. Limits protect children and help them develop self-discipline. President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) noted, “Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love and respect him.”12 The Lord has entrusted us as parents with the responsibility to teach our children (see D&C 68:25). Correcting misbehavior can be one of the most challenging parts of this responsibility. At times, children may chafe, complain, or resist the limits placed upon them. Parents can hold firm with the understanding that teaching values is a lengthy process and that reasonable standards and expectations ultimately help children and teens feel secure and become more successful."
"When children do not meet family expectations, parents must decide whether to make an issue of the misbehavior. Milk will spill; children will sometimes be less than careful on the playground; teens may let their social life sabotage their grades. These experiences can teach them that certain actions are not productive. Helping to clean up the milk, bandaging the wound, or talking through an improved study schedule would be more effective than scolding a child in an attempt to teach a lesson that is already obvious.
Sometimes parents must address more serious indiscretions with appropriate consequences. President Faust encouraged parents to use “prayerful discernment” as they select consequences for misbehavior. No matter the seriousness of the offense, the method of correction must treat the child with consideration and dignity. For example, private reproof is generally better than public reproof. Address the specific infraction without dragging previous misdeeds into the conversation. Stay composed. Discuss the behavior rather than label or demean the child. Short explanations of parental expectations generally work better than extensive lecturing.
When parents remain calm, reasonable consequences are more likely to emerge. President Hinckley said, “I have never accepted the principle of ‘spare the rod and spoil the child.’ ” He also recalled that “his father never laid a hand on him except to bless him, and he intended to follow suit."
"Although it is important to remain flexible with discipline, parents who turn a blind eye to serious misconduct or do not calmly and consistently enforce boundaries with reasonable consequences provide insufficient direction and guidance. Elder Ballard explained that it can be 'destructive when parents are too permissive and overindulge their children, allowing them to do as they please.'"
"As parents lead with love and enforce limits, they can encourage children’s sense of independence. Granting autonomy, or latitude, allows children to express their individuality and helps them learn to make good choices. Speaking of the Saints, Joseph Smith said, “I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves.”18 In a similar way, parents need to prepare their children in small steps to govern themselves so that they will be prepared for the day when they eventually leave home.
Parents facilitate this process by giving children a measure of latitude appropriate to their maturity. From the time children are toddlers, parents can let them make reasonable decisions within established boundaries. For example, young children can help choose what to wear on a play day. Older children can have a say in when they do their chores, as long as the chores are completed by a specified time. Teens can be allowed to make media choices so long as they fall within family expectations. Giving children some say in decision making prepares them to make more important decisions later.
Giving children latitude also means negotiating and compromising on rules when appropriate. Elder Ballard emphasized the need for parents to “be prepared to appropriately adjust some rules, thus preparing children for real-world situations.”19 For example, suppose that you have established the rule that children can play only after chores are done. What happens if cousins stop in unexpectedly for a short visit? In this case, parents and children might decide to be flexible and finish their chores another time. Being willing to negotiate and compromise provides reasonable expectations, gives children more control over their lives, and prepares them for real-world problem-solving situations.
Providing latitude also gives children space to develop their own feelings about the gospel. Teens who have learned to recognize the Spirit and to make choices based on their understanding of right and wrong—rather than simply on parents’ demand for obedience—will be better equipped to make wise decisions in the face of stress or peer pressure. Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught that teenagers’ “willingness to choose the Lord’s way and family values is greater when the choice comes from within than when we attempt to force those values upon them. The Lord’s way of love and acceptance is better than Satan’s way of force and coercion, especially in rearing teenagers.”20 Appropriate latitude sends a message of trust and respect."
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