Is autism a call back to the farm?

Yesterday I started reading Connection Parenting by Pam Leo.  My life was changed before I even finished the introduction.  It's that good.  Seriously.

"Parents are not told that our most important job is to secure and maintain a healthy, strong parent-child bond.  This critical information, about the conditions that children need to thrive, has not made its way into the media.  Parents hear far more about what new product to buy that will hold their babies than they do about the importance of holding their babies in their arms.  What our children need most, money can't buy.  Our children need human connection.  A healthy, strong parent-child bond, created through consistent, loving connection, is essential to our children's wellbeing and optimal development.  This bond is also the key to our effectiveness as parents.

Many children are in crisis.  Parents are reading parenting books and taking classes.  Many of us are looking for answers because we are struggling.  Parenting has always been work, but it hasn't always been a struggle.  Our grandparents and great-grandparents didn't read books on parenting or take parenting classes.  Did they already know about bonding?  No.  Our great-grandparents didn't know about bonding either.  It was not what they knew that made parenting different for them, it was how they lived.

In our great-grandparents' day, children's need for human connection was met naturally by a lifestyle that supported a strong parent-child bond.  Babies were born at home, they were breastfed, and spent their early years at home.  The mother-infant and parent-child connection was not compromised by separation.  Parents' and children's lives were more connected.

Our lifestyle has changed dramatically.  Today most babies are born in the hospital and are bottle-fed.  This early compromise to connection is compounded by the reduced amount of time parents and children spend together.  Many infants and  young children spend long days away from their mothers and fathers.  The stressful pace of modern living, the loss of extended family support, and the ever-increasing amount of time adults and children spend with television and computers have further weakened the parent-child connection.

Because the vital parent-child bond grew naturally and was not created consciously, when our lifestyle changed we were unaware that those changes were eroding the parent-child connection essential to our children's wellbeing.  Even though the adults didn't know something was missing, the children did.  Children's unmet need for connection began to show as behavior problems."

She goes on to talk about asking "what is not right for our children?" rather than "what's wrong with our children?".  If a plant isn't growing well, we look at the growing conditions.  If a child isn't growing well we need to look at the growing conditions.  

I hate that we, as a society, have grown apart from our extended family.  Money takes us elsewhere, and our children are the ones paying for it.  Seth is a totally different kid when my mom is around.  He's happier and more secure.  I think he feels more confident because he has more attention.  He's not always in a power struggle with me to get my attention.  I've got another baby to take care of, food to cook, laundry to wash, dishes to clean, etc.  When my mom is here there is always someone who can stop and give him attention.  I'm also a totally different mom when she's around.  I'm more patient, just because I'm not so lonely and frustrated.  Mother's should not be alone.  Children should not be alone.  We need family close by.  We need each other.  It's not in our human nature to be alone.  

Is this why there are so many kids on waiting lists for speech and occupational therapy today?  Because they aren't around other kids?  They don't have anybody to learn from?  Is it a coincidence that Seth finally started saying words the day after his 2 cousins left after being here for a week?  Kids needs kids to learn how to be kids together.

Seth has such a hard time with Rhett being away at work all day.  Rhett has to get up early and leave before Seth wakes up every morning.  If he didn't, Seth would scream all day long until he got home again.  Literally.  Seth doesn't understand that dad has to go to work.  There is not way to rationalize with him.  Then, Seth's weekends are spent obsessing over Rhett and terrified that he's going to leave.  It's not very fun.  If Seth knew that dad was just outside working I think he would feel more confident to get through his days.  

Don't even get me started on how much local, organic farm food would help these autistic children (and all of us, for that matter).  That's a whole other soapbox for another day.

Why have we let our (not "our" as in Rhett and I, but society as a whole) lives get this way?  Why do we let money pull us away from the things that really matter?  Food, family and love.  Is this autism epidemic a call back to a simpler way of life?  

I rambled on about all of this to Rhett yesterday.  He quietly listened and finally said "If you scratch my back we can move to the prairie".  I scratched his back.  So, who wants to join us in community living on a farm?